My Teenager Lies To Me, What To Do?
During adolescence, young people move from being focused on family to focused on friends. In fact, this can cause a teenager to lie and try to exaggerate his achievements, justify mistakes or make up events. Therefore, in this article we are going to teach you what you should do to remedy it.
When you observe that your child is lying, the first thing we recommend is that you breathe deeply and try not to get nervous. Losing patience is normal in the upbringing of any child or young person. However, it is not the best option, as children often lie to get attention or a reaction.
To prevent this from happening, it is important that your teenager trusts you. This means that they should feel comfortable and rely on you if they ever have problems.
Therefore, you should encourage honesty and praise their attitude when this happens. In this sense, it is essential that you try to maintain and express your thoughts on the importance of honesty, but always calmly.
What can I do if my child lies to me?
Here are some tips to prevent your child from lying to you. These are, more than anything, values that have to be fostered so that they feel safe and share their experiences – both the good and the bad – with you.
1. Explain the difference between truth or lie
The first tip is to talk to your child about telling the truth and what it means to lie. No matter how old the adolescent is, it is very important to explain the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie. You should also alert him to the possible consequences of being dishonest.
However, it is just as important that the child controls when to tell the truth rather than being extremely honest. This means that your child needs to learn that he doesn’t necessarily have to talk about things just because he has to show honesty.
Balancing honesty with compassion and context assessment is a sophisticated social skill that you should start teaching early. Often times, inappropriate words cause a lot of harm to others, even if that is not the intention of the person who spoke.
2. Negotiate rules and limits
Establishing agreed rules and limits is one of the most effective ways to reduce conflict. Don’t forget that one of the reasons teens lie is because they think their parents aren’t listening. If they believe that the rules are unfair and there is no room to negotiate or make exceptions, then in their mind, lying will be the only option.
Therefore, when your teenager wants an exception to some rule, that is the time to listen. Try to understand what is important to him in each case. Then think about what is at stake for you and see if you can find a middle ground.
Obviously, you won’t always be able to do that. However, if you never leave room for negotiation, the adolescent will believe that there is no point in asking, so they will not do it and will resort to lying.
3. Connect with your child
You should try to make connecting with your child your top priority. This bond between mother and child is the basis for them to always tell the truth; it is the foundation on which honesty grows.
Certainly, a well-connected child at home will want to share those aspects that are inside without having to lie. Therefore, consider that the connection between the two is the most solid and reliable preventive measure you can take against lying. Of course: you must have patience for this union to take hold.
4. Let your child regret
The last tip on this list may seem unrealistic, but you should keep it in mind as one of your main goals. Ideally, those adolescents who decide to use lies to avoid acknowledging the facts immediately assume their mistake.
Keep in mind that a young person who is defensive and with the intention of lying thinks of argumentation and justification as manipulative techniques, in order to avoid taking responsibility. If this happens, it is advisable to pause for a few seconds to motivate the child to repent and back off his intentions.
Finally, we remind you that the fact that your child lies is something that happens in many young people his age. Also, as long as they are white lies, you shouldn’t be overly concerned. In any case, the above tips will be of great help if you want your adolescent to always go with the truth ahead.
