How To Resolve Marital Conflicts Without Affecting The Children?
Knowing how to handle conflicts is necessary in a relationship, and it becomes essential when forming a family. Poor management of marital conflicts can seriously affect the development of children. In this article, you will discover how to resolve marital conflicts without affecting the children.
Each conflict in the couple is different and can have multiple forms. They can range from small disagreements that can be resolved quickly, to large arguments or confrontations that are seriously damaging to the couple.
Conflict, a natural element
Drs Les and Leslie Parrot point out that conflict is natural in intimate relationships. For them, once this is assumed in the relationship, the conflict will cease to represent a crisis and, in turn, will become an opportunity to grow.
The absence of conflicts and arguments as a couple does not portend a safe well-being in the future. Spouses who are reluctant to accept conflict as part of the relationship run the risk of keeping facts unresolved and conflicts unhandled.
For Les and Leslie Parrot, couples who avoid confrontation and do not discuss important issues often end up with “anger surrogates” rather than dealing directly with their emotions. By “anger substitutes” they refer to depression, overeating, or even physical illness.
Gloria Pérez and Mª Victoria Pérez in their book Learning to live together: conflict as an opportunity for growth, consider that the conflict itself is neither positive nor negative, but depends on how it is faced.
However, conflicts can be destructive when attention is paid to unimportant issues, damages personal perception, leads to irresponsible behavior, or increases and sharpens differences.
How to resolve marital conflicts without affecting the children?
- Deal with conflicts at the right time and place. For example, discuss problems when the children are not at home, when you have enough time to discuss the issue, or when you are both calm.
- Conflicts must remain private. Disrespect and heated conflicts should be prohibited in front of other people, especially in front of children.
- Possibility of postponing dealing with the conflict. If one of the two does not want to deal with the problem at that time, he must accept the proposal to choose another time to deal with the conflict, but with the rule that it is not more than one day.
- Ask for “pause. ” If the discussion is heating up, agree on the option of being able to ask for a break in the middle of the chat to calm the fumes and cool the situation.
When children are present in conflict
On some occasion, it is possible that the children are inevitably present in the middle of a couple conflict. If this occurs, a number of steps are essential to avoid causing major disruption to children:
- Explain together that they are not the problem. Sometimes when children see their parents arguing, they feel that they are responsible for the conflict. Tell them that the conflict is between the parents, that it is not about them and that you are trying to find a solution, without having to explain what the problem is.
- Be a role model for them. You can turn the fact that your children see you arguing as an opportunity to teach them to resolve a conflict in a constructive way. Show a calm discussion based on mutual respect, take turns listening and speaking politely, and strive to understand each other.
Why is it so important to know how to resolve conflicts without affecting the children?
Clearly, constructive conflict management is very beneficial for you and your partner. When you deal with problems and your differences as a couple, and you find solutions together, without a doubt, you feel more united and more positive, which strengthens your relationship.
On the other hand, if your children see you handle conflicts in this way, they will learn to know how to manage and face their own problems in the same way. They will learn valuable skills such as negotiation skills and problem solving.
In short, knowing how to resolve conflicts without affecting the children is key in a home. Children are very upset when their parents argue frequently or are unable to resolve their differences.
This fact makes them more likely to manifest personal problems when they reach adulthood. Constructively manage conflicts with your partner and teach your children a healthy relationship model to follow.
