Half Of The Job Of Being A Mother Is Being Present
Motherhood gives vertigo. There are countless times when you don’t know how to act and you feel like you’re not doing it right. You would give everything to have an instruction manual, but all you have is your intuition and a lot of conflicting outside opinions. When fear takes hold of you, remember that by just being present for your children, you are giving them the greatest gift.
Surely you have gone to bed many nights blaming yourself for not having been perfect. For not being able to spend more time with your child or for not being able to offer him a better activity than going to the park. You may have felt a knot in your stomach when you remembered not paying enough attention to it because you were busy with housework, or when that time you lost your nerves and raised your voice.
Judgment is constant and very often comes from ourselves. Therefore, let me affirm that you are here and that is what matters. You don’t need to be perfect. Because when your child grows up and thinks about his childhood, he will not remember that day when you were too tired to play, he will remember that his mother was always there.
Gift your presence
Each mother’s life circumstances are different. Even the same woman goes through very different periods throughout her motherhood. The first months (or even years) of the baby are loaded with a great demand due to the dependency of the little one. In these first moments you are his whole world, his main source of affection, sustenance and support.
Your baby needs you constantly, cries and is distressed when you move away and suddenly you feel your identity dissolving. Your role as a woman, wife, friend, worker, etc., dissipates before the demands of this little ‘person’. You spend practically all of your days taking care of your child, and sometimes you feel like you just wish you could have a conversation with an adult.
This absolute dedication can overwhelm you. However, try to remember that this period will pass and that every second of presence that you give to your child is helping to forge the foundation of his self-esteem. Every time you hug him, you teach him to feel loved. Every time he cries and you come, he learns to feel safe and trust.
Do not feel guilty for saturating yourself, for needing help, for wanting a little space of freedom. Being a mother is one of the most demanding jobs out there and it is totally normal that sometimes you just want to live one day independently again. Still, never forget the great work you are doing and the importance of being present in your child’s development.
Be present in different ways
As the child grows, the dependency is reduced and you can begin to delegate tasks. At this time, the role of the father, other family members, even child educators, becomes more relevant. That’s when you go back to work and start blaming yourself for not being able to always be there for your children.
When you get home, tired, you have to take care of dinners, shopping, housework … and many times you cannot give your children all the attention you would like.
Be gentle and forgiving of yourself. Maybe you think that you are not a good mother because you do not have the time to sit on the carpet and play with your little one. But the time you spend making food together means a lot to him. The adventures going to the supermarket by your side, the way home chatting, the time you spend helping him with his homework …
Maybe you feel that you should be going to museums or amusement parks or that you are failing him by going to work instead of staying home. Know that every second you share doing everyday tasks will become the most precious memories of your life.
When he looks back, he will remember how you taught him to put the salt in the omelette, how you allowed him to choose the tangerines in the greengrocer or how you sang together in the car. At that time, it will not matter the days that you lost your patience, that you were tired or that you watched a movie at home instead of going to the cinema. Because all he will remember is that his mother was there, and that is the only thing that matters.
