Consequences Of Lack Of Communication In Marriage With Children
It is possible that you have never stopped to think before about how the lack of communication could affect two adults in marriage, and more when they have children. Collateral damage is created because of this lack of understanding that can generate serious consequences in children, but also in adults.
The following situation may sound familiar to you: One parent tries to convey a message of authority to a child and the other parents take the opportunity to joke about the childishness or worthlessness of the parent trying to educate their child. Normally, this scene is shown repeatedly on television series as if it were a joke.
The reason we laugh at this joke over and over again is because it reflects the tension we often feel in our own family situations. But the problem reflected in the joke can be one of the most serious threats to successful parenting.
A deeper communication problem
When the situation discussed above happens, children may begin to see one parent (usually the one who is the victim of the attacks) as less intelligent and less capable of making good decisions. That will undoubtedly have a negative effect on the family.
These types of communication messages have a negative impact on the entire family system. There is a connection between acting behavior in children and parental disagreement. The problem is not that parents have disagreements and lack of communication about parenting, but how those disagreements are expressed in front of children.
Is it a sign of a deeper communication problem? Parents disagree, and this is a normal experience in family relationships.
It is the style and intensity of these disagreements that tell us whether or not there is a more serious problem. When the style of disagreement undermines the efforts of the other parents or the intensity is extreme and creates strong worries or family tensions, then there are clues that the parents must deal with the situation.
Causes underlying the lack of communication that end up being consequences
What are some common underlying causes of communication problems between parents? We will tell you some of them below, since these causes, when they are not worked on, end up being consequences of the lack of communication in the parents themselves:
- Unspoken hostility. Tension builds naturally in a marital relationship, but some couples do not have the tools or skills to alleviate that tension through normal communication.
- Stress. Some parents have added stress and strain from raising a child with developmental or behavioral differences. When tension is not expressed, it does not go away, even though we often tell ourselves that we can forget it. Instead, it appears when the other parent might need support, for example, when you need the support of the other parent.
- Resentment. The unexpressed resentment in this situation turns into contempt or is used to sabotage the parents’ effort to deal with a child’s problem.
- Need for control. In some situations, we find that parents use disagreement or parental communication to exert control over the other parent. Mothers or fathers with a great need for control may have had experiences in the past that cause extreme anxiety if they are not in control.
Other consequences to consider …
In addition to the aforementioned, the following must be taken into account:
- Instead of dealing with these feelings, a parent may try to control everyone around them. As a result, children do not experience their parents as cooperative and often view one parent as the “boss” and the other parent as part of the group of children, and misinterpret the other parent’s intentions. Sometimes confusing parenting cues are caused simply by the parent not understanding the other parent’s reason. In most situations, parents weigh the factors they consider most important in making decisions. But since we are not mind readers, the other parent may not see the same set of factors.
- Little time. Add to this the reality that there is often little time to talk about parental reactions in the moments after a child’s behavior. The result is confusion about the motivations of the other parents.
- An emotionally damaging family environment. In some situations, the family environment seems emotionally dangerous or disruptive to children. Families facing violence, verbal tirades and screaming fights, or drugs and alcohol are likely to lead parents to “hide.” They do this to try to repair the harm they perceive the other parent has caused. Parents sometimes resort to this strategy when they feel that they are stuck in the situation themselves or are unwilling to break up the family situation to deal with the harmful behavior.
