Connected Parenting Is The Secret To Happy Families
It is not easy being a parent ; sometimes, it can be quite a challenge. No child comes with an instruction manual to help make parenting easier. In fact, experience and wisdom come from day to day and also from all the mistakes you make. Because you know that, as a mother or father, you will be wrong many times. In reality, connected parenting is the secret to happy families.
Put yourself in the situation: your child demands a bowl of ice cream for breakfast; Thus, you feel that the next crisis will come and you evaluate the parenting style options:
- Permissive : you say yes, but then you will have to give him cookies to eat and cake for dinner.
- Authoritarian : You say no directly and firmly (and you will have to keep sticking with it because there will be more protests).
- Exhausted : you yell “never” because it’s too early.
- Denied : You pretend that you have not heard or that what they are asking is not true.
- Connected : you empathize with your child and tell him that it is not possible, but you give him options so that he can choose the one that he likes the most at that moment.
A connected parenting
Although many of us probably use a combination of the above styles, most can lean in one direction or another. Ideally, advocate for a connected parenting style balanced with a conscious, positive, and peaceful approach. However, this approach is not for the faint of heart.
Connected parenting is really what it sounds like: In every situation, you try to empathically connect with your children and see their perspective before guiding them. Connected parenting reaps meaningful relationships for both parents and children, but a vital part of the discourse is also missing.
Thus, this parenting style requires a great deal of energy on the part of the parents. In fact, of all the parenting examples mentioned above, connected parenting requires the most effort in many respects.
What does connected parenting require?
Here are some of the ways that additional human resources are required:
- Time – Connected parenting often takes longer. Saying “no” is clearly faster than empathizing with joy and humor.
- Creativity : it is much easier for us to access short and direct phrases like “Don’t do that” or “Please stop”, in front of some of the encouraging phrases when our children are angry, anxious or tired of hearing that no. Consistent creativity takes practice and effort.
- Emotional space : when we are with our children in a connected way, we are giving them part of ourselves, emotionally speaking. While mindful presence with little ones can be satisfying , it can be emotionally consuming at times.
- Physical Stamina : Connected Parenting includes Connected Body Language; get close to your child, kneel down on their level, and be playful… There is definitely a physical strain involved in connected parenting.
- Distress Tolerance – Connected parenting allows children to feel their feelings, including sadness, anger, jealousy, and negativity. However, when our children are uncomfortable, we often feel the same way. So part of connected parenting involves the practice of tolerating big, uncomfortable emotions in our children and ourselves.
- Self-regulation : To enter a connected space with a child who has a tantrum, constantly defies us, or is physically aggressive, we have to regulate our own emotions. We have to be the calm that we want to see in our son. Self-regulation is a finite resource. Used throughout the day, it runs out and requires replacement.
Stay connected
After a long day at work or a long week, it can seem like the resources needed to connect with our children are in short supply. This is especially true when little ones are not “going with the flow” of our intentions or simply outright defying us. Sometimes it feels easier to adopt a parenting style that frankly requires the energy we have left.
So how can we maintain our choice of parenting style while taking care of our own well-being? There is no magic wand or quick fix to erase all parenting challenges, but there are certainly steps we can take to replenish energy.
We need to prioritize self-care, even when we don’t have the time. This means that we need to take constant moments of mindfulness throughout the day. We need to immerse ourselves in a book or an interest that is exclusively for us. We need to laugh more; n or just a laugh here and there, but a good laugh.
Empathy with children in connected parenting
We need to remember why we are making the decision to parent in a connected and mindful style. Our intuition has led us to believe that our children will thrive in this style of parenting. Children of highly empathetic parents thrive, are physically healthier, and psychologically more balanced.
We need to support each other and be open about the idea while raising in style where connection and awareness are a priority, because sometimes it can be exhausting.
Finally, let us recognize that ironically, or perhaps even poetically, what we sometimes believe is leading to our emotional exhaustion, our children can often be the source that, with a simple gesture, a smile, a hug, does may our hearts have enough energy to continue.
