Fear Of Failure In Children
It is believed that we fear exams when, in reality, what happens is something else. In this article we will tell you about the fear of suspending in children and how to help them so that it does not become a trauma.
Why are children afraid of failing exams?
“My son is terrified of going to school when he has an exam. His gut hurts, he can’t sleep and he doesn’t want to eat breakfast ” . This may sound familiar to you and you suffer from it every time your child has to take a test. Why are you so afraid of it?
The fear of failing in children is more common than you think. Their emotional state is related to anxiety and therefore they present nerves, worry, fear and several other negative feelings.
This is almost always accompanied by headache, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, palpitations, stomach pain, poor appetite, or insomnia. Surely you want to know why your child is so afraid of taking a test, or rather, that it will go badly (or not as expected). These are the main reasons:
1. You demand (or demand) too much
The high level of demand that exists at home may be affecting what you experience in school, in general, and in exams in particular. Many parents demand that their children get high marks, if not, they get angry or punish them.
They may not have told you explicitly, but with different comments they have given you to understand that to be “worthy” of parental approval, you have to pass the exams.
This can become self-demanding, fear of failure, or frustration if the expected or desired grades are not obtained.
2. Fear of disappointing
Hand in hand with the above reason we have to speak not of the fear of suspending in children, but of the fear of disappointing the family, the expectations they have placed on them, the role that they have had to fulfill among their siblings or colleagues ( the know-it-all).
3. Lack of self-esteem
You yourself are often responsible for something going wrong. Why? Because we don’t trust our abilities and skills. We tend to be very harsh judges of ourselves and that leads to fear or anxiety.
“I will go wrong” , “I flunk this test” , “I will not know what to say” , “I did not prepare enough” … are phrases that resonate in the mind over and over again … And the consequence is a bad grade!
Fear of Failure in Children: How to Help Them
It’s been a while since you’ve identified that your child is terrified of taking a test, or rather, that he or she is going badly. It is necessary that they work as a family to help him and that he can go through these instances in the best way. Some recommendations:
1. Control of thoughts
Find a way to detect bad thoughts first and then how to change them so that they are positive. You can write them down on paper, use an overhead phrase to repeat like a mantra, discuss your fears with parents… There are many options.
2. Confirm parental support
Many times we do not realize it, but we compare our children ( “Your brother got better grades than you” or “You can’t fail like your sister” ) or we say phrases that are later burned into their memory.
Tell your child that no matter what happens to his grades, you are proud of him because you have seen him study hard. It does not mean that you dismiss exams, but it does not mean that they become a matter of life and death.
3. Do other activities
Before the exam, the child will be stressed, anxious, nervous … A good way to reduce these emotions is with playful activities, such as riding a bicycle, going for a walk in the park, playing cards or singing and dancing.
4. Accompany throughout the process
Finally, to avoid or reduce fear of failing in children, a good idea is to be more present in all the preparation for the exam. Take half an hour a day (at least) to help him with what he does not understand, look up information, go over it together and ensure that nothing is missing. If you see it necessary, go to a professional, for example, a psychologist.
The fear of failure in children can be overcome if they attack it as a family and if everyone cooperates to overcome it. It is a task that will also allow them to strengthen ties and have more shared moments!
